AFTER Pictures

The after pictures have mostly come in from you guys. They are posted here below.  If you want to see the original BEFORE pictures you can click “Before” (not this one the one before).  If you submitted a before picture and then completely dropped the ball on the AFTER picture you can still send them in (paulmaraplayoffbeard@gmail.com)

There are no limits to the number of times you can vote so have at it everybody!

Thanks to all the contestants for sharing. It really makes it more fun.

After a very strong initial entry BuckarooCub came back in very weak fashion with a non-entry.

After a very strong initial entry BuckarooCub came back in very weak fashion with a non-entry.

After the stress of marriage and the Rangers nearly winning the Cup, JamesG has aged.

After the stress of marriage and the Rangers nearly winning the Cup, JamesG has aged.

Booby not only grew beard he grew a set of boobies!

Booby not only grew beard he grew a set of boobies! Sally would be so proud.

Wicky had to submit his picture via text message instead of e-mail like a regular person. It was a huge hassle.

Wicky had to submit his picture via text message instead of e-mail like a regular person. It was a huge hassle.

Gravy found a nice way to see the silver lining in a crushing game 5 defeat.

Gravy found a nice way to see the silver lining in a crushing game 5 defeat.

@blueshirtfan77 didn't send an after pic. He could be off saving our lives though. Vote for him anyways!

@blueshirtfan77 didn’t send an after pic. He could be off saving our lives though. Vote for him anyways!

Atta boy, Tony! Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!!!

Atta boy, Tony! Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!!!

Although he spent the majority of the playoffs "returning some videotapes" Doodie still put in a strong performance.

Although he spent the majority of the playoffs “returning some videotapes” Doodie still put in a strong performance.

A swashbuckling effort from Capt. Ilb!

A swashbuckling effort from Capt. Ilb!

Adam from Chicago kept it going despite some serious sun out there in the midwest.

Adam from Chicago kept it going despite some serious sun out there in the midwest.

SeeeDubbb has been busy growing a beard, founding his gang, Mallards for Peace, and spending a lot of time getting in touch with his emotional side.

SeeeDubbb has been busy growing a beard, founding his gang, Mallards for Peace, and spending a lot of time getting in touch with his emotional side.

Although not submitting his own after picture, this picture of BickelsPickle was found on file.

Although not submitting his own after picture, this picture of BickelsPickle was found on file.

Latona forgot to grow a beard and instead spent most of the playoffs nervously "snacking"

Latona forgot to grow a beard and instead spent most of the playoffs nervously “snacking”

Manny-O-War might not be eligible for the win but he is the "King of Metal"

Manny-O-War might not be eligible for the win but he is the “King of Metal”

Blogmama managed to grow an entire body of hair!

Blogmama managed to grow an entire body of hair!

Ladies: It's not that Rob is lonely, he just really loves his cat.

Ladies: It’s not that Rob is lonely, he just really loves his cat.

MisterD a/k/a The Doctor kept on skating despite not making the playoffs.

MisterD a/k/a The Doctor kept on skating despite not making the playoffs.

Sioux did not submit an after pic so I can only assume this is what he would have wanted.

Sioux did not submit an after pic so I can only assume this is what he would have wanted.

Although the youngest competitor, Doodie, Jr. managed to be responsible enough to send in an after picture. That has to count for something!

Although the youngest competitor, Doodie, Jr. managed to be responsible enough to send in an after picture. That has to count for something!

Nasty won the Beard contest the last two years in a row and he's going for a three-peat.  He also had yet another beautiful daughter.

Nasty won the Beard contest the last two years in a row and he’s going for a three-peat. He also had yet another beautiful daughter.

Sally bravely took it all off and gave you something to remember.

Sally bravely took it all off and gave you something to remember.

 

 

Welcome to the Stanley Cup Final

Don't be upset if you don't look as good as Hank. Few do. Just ask your girlfriend/fiance/wife.

Don’t be upset if you don’t look as good as Hank. Few do. Just ask your girlfriend/fiance/wife.

It is important to think about the health risks of growing a beard. Perhaps you will break your jaw and require surgery. Mayhaps you will get a piece of soft cheese stuck in that duster that turns into mold overnight. The point is, you never know what could happen.  So make sure you’re keeping that beard clean and safe.

If your beard itches try using some beard oil to calm the frustration.

If your beard itches try using some beard oil to calm the frustration.

By this point the beard shouldn’t be itchy anymore. You should have already fought through the annoyance. You might have even noticed a little beard dandruff when you scratched at it. If you did, hopefully you read our post on Beard Oil and have solved the problem with a few affordable products.

If your attempt looks like this you might be better off supporting your team with a nice T-Shirt

If your attempt looks like this you might be better off supporting your team with a nice T-Shirt

Another point to think about is: when do I give up. I don’t mean to be harsh but some of you men and women are just unable to grow a thick face blanket like our hero Paul Mara.  If you look like Sidney Crosby there, it might be time to just call it a day.  There are many other ways to support your team. Try baking a nice cake and painting their logo on it with frosting.  Just a suggestion.

By this point you’ve likely made the decision to move on with your face blanket and you’re possibly attempting to shape that puppy or tame it somehow to keep your relatives and neighbors from reporting you to the authorities.

If you look like this it’s probably best to avoid children’s parties and other public places.

Regardless, happy growing and good luck. There are only 4-7 more games in the 2013-2014 season. Make ‘em count!

This is the money round.

This is the money round.

Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!

Atta boy, Tony!

Atta boy, Tony!

We have another entry to The 5th Sometimes-Annual, 2013-2014, Paul Mara Playoff Beard Contest and this one is special.  Tony from AZ has opted to grow a very special flavor saver in honor of his dearest New York Rangers making it into the 2013-2014 Stanley Cup Playoffs. That’s a Cookie Duster that can help inspire a team from 2,411 Miles away!

Late entries aren’t accepted but who could EVER deny that face! Stay healthy Tony. We all miss you. And, as always: REFRESH, REFRESH, REFRESH!!!

ROUND 3

Ding Ding Ding

Ding Ding Ding

Hi. Remember me? How are you? I’m OK. The usual.

It’s been a while since we spoke. Last time, we here at The 5th Sometimes Annual, 2013-2014, Paul Mara Playoff Beard Contest were advising you on how to shave your beard off, in emotional defeat, without hurting your fragile and tear stained face.  Well guess what boys and girls? It ain’t over.

The New York Rangers are about to enter ROUND 3 of the playoffs against the Boston Bruins or the Montreal Canadians a/k/a Les Habitants.  Regardless of either opponent, your beard is going to need some pregame maintenance.

I recommend highly the products from Bath Sabbath over at Etsy.  Handmade beard oils that smell delightful, keep your beard moisturized and help you avoid disgusting beard dandruff.

Stay strong and keep those face blankets manicured! It’s all about self respect.

Terrific products.

Terrific products. Available at: Etsy

Almost There….5 Tips for a Pain Free Shave

Your skin is sensitive. Try not to shock it.

Your skin is sensitive. Try not to shock it.

So. Your team is almost out of the playoffs.  Maybe they are one of only two teams to make the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs consecutively for the last three seasons (NY Rangers and LA Kings).  But that’s not enough, is it? You’re still angry.

Maybe there was a noticeable lack of effort from some of the highest paid players in the game. Maybe some of your star players phoned it in. Maybe your best players have injuries that they won’t yet reveal.

Regardless of the reason, losing stings.  So make sure your shave doesn’t!

Here are a few tips: (Credit to: Top 10 Shaving Tips)

  1. The trick to shaving is to wet your skin and let it soften from the heat and moisture. You don’t want to shave dry skin. Shaving is a natural exfoliator and if you try to dry shave, you run the risk of clogging up the razor with dead skin while putting yourself at risk for nicks and razor burn.
  2. Be sure to change razors or cartridges on a regular basis; a dull blade can lead to nicks. . It’s best to never use another person’s razor because there is a chance you could get Hepatitis C from fresh blood on a razor.
  3. Be sure to exfoliate your skin before shaving. It gets rid of all the dead skin cells that could clog up your razor, preventing a close shave. There are several ways to exfoliate. You can use exfoliating gloves or a cloth in the shower or dry brush before you shower (never get a wooden brush wet, it will mildew fast). See “How to Exfoliate” for more information.
  4. When finished shaving, apply oil or moisturizer. Your skin has few oil glands and has a tendency for dryness.
  5. If you have a chronic case of ingrown hairs, try Tend Skin, an over-the-counter lotion for ingrown hairs, applying it in the morning and at night. The bumps should disappear within a couple days.

So there you have it Boys & Girls.  Make sure to treat your skin right or you will spend the entire off season with a mean case of razor burn.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof.

The Official BEFORE pictures [updated]

Many of you have submitted exceptional before photos. Some of you have submitted borderline offensive before photos. Some of you have submitted nothing at all.  I’m not surprised.  Hopefully this years contest will be better than last years contest in that the NEW YORK RANGERS will play for a long enough time for those face follicles to reach your toes.

Meet the contestants:

BuckarooClub

BuckarooClub hates Sidney Crosby and so do you (probably)!!!

JamesG has already sewn up the awards for "Prettiest" and "Most Artistic". Good luck topping this amateurs.

JamesG has already sewn up the awards for “Prettiest” and “Most Artistic”.  Good luck topping this amateurs.

Vicky

Wicky is a man clearly attempting to compensate for something…

This is a picture that Booby thought was acceptable to enter into the contest.

This is a picture that Booby thought was acceptable to enter into the contest.

Last season's winner of the "Most Disgusting" award is back and seems to be competing in the regular bracket.

Gravy, last season’s winner of the “Most Disgusting” award is back and seems to be competing in the regular bracket.

@blueshirtfan77

@blueshirtfan77 just kind of looks like Benoit Pouliot. I don’t think he’s really Benoit Pouliot. Right? He can’t be…

Atta boy, Tony! Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!!!

Atta boy, Tony! Refresh, Refresh, Refresh!!!

The one and only Doodie, a/k/a Patrick Bateman, will command a reservation at a great table at Dorsia should he win.

Doodie will definitely command a reservation at a great table at Dorsia should he win.

Capt. Ilb just gets cuter and cuter each year doesn't he?

Capt. Ilb just gets cuter and cuter each year doesn’t he?

Adam From Chicago, who apparently gets around, representing with NYR Pride in Tampa Bay.

Adam From Chicago, who apparently gets around (geographically speaking), representing with NYR Pride in Tampa Bay.

SeeeDubbb casually glancing into the camera in front of his impressive mallard collection.

SeeeDubbb casually glancing into the camera in front of his impressive mallard collection.

BickelsPickle looks a lot like someone I grew up admiring....

BickelsPickle looks a lot like someone I grew up admiring….

Latona may not have an avatar but he's definitely got spunk. Go Kermit Go.

Latona may not have an avatar but he’s definitely got spunk. Go Kermit Go.

Manny-O-War is not eligible for a win but he still wants you to know that PUNK IS NOT DEAD

Manny-O-War is not eligible for a win but he still wants you to know that PUNK IS NOT DEAD, at least not in Dubrovnik.

Blogmama went with a very rare full body shave before letting the beard grow.

Blogmama went with a very rare full body shave before letting the beard grow.

Rob not only lives in Boston but married a Philly from Philly.  He's really in a tough spot. At least the cat is on his side.

Rob not only lives in Boston but married a Philly from Philly. He’s really in a tough spot. At least the cat is on his side.

MisterD a/k/a The Doctor, has promised a picture but has been too busy saving lives to actually send one in.

MisterD a/k/a The Doctor, has promised a picture but has been too busy saving lives to actually send one in.

Sioux-Per-Man doesn't need the win. As you can see he already has millions of dollars in poker chips.

Sioux-Per-Man doesn’t need the win. As you can see he already has what I assume is millions of dollars in poker chips stacked up there.

Although possibly the youngest competitor ever, Doodie Jr. is hoping for a strong showing in his first playoff competition.

Although possibly the youngest competitor ever, Doodie Jr. is hoping for a strong showing in his first playoff competition.  Strong candidate for the Calder.

Nasty is a two-time, back-to-back Champ of this here contest. Can you tell?

Nasty is a two-time, back-to-back Champ of this here contest. Can you tell?

Carp. 'Nuff Said.

Carp.The man who makes it all possible.  ‘Nuff Said.

Beard Growing for Ladies

She only had a few months for this to be acceptable so why not cheer for her?

She only has a few months for this to be acceptable so why not cheer for her throughout the playoffs?

It’s important for women to not only be supportive of their men during the playoffs, and thus understanding of the spirituality and cosmic importance of their freshly grown bristles, but some women can even get in on the fun!  While you may joke about drawing one on or purchasing a costume beard at your local Ricky’s, some women are lucky enough to possess the sheer Bickel’s and testosterone to grow their own!

Have at it gal’s…

maud-temple-bearded-lady-circus-sideshow-pitch-card_300521376951

Note the balance between the hair and the chinstrap