Tips for Growing a Playoff Beard

Bonus points for letting the hair go as well!

There are lots of ideas when it comes to growing a playoff beard.  Some people start growing the minute their team clinches a playoff spot.  If those people are fans of the Chicago Blackhawks or Pittsburgh Penguins they already have very, very long beards.  So here are a few tips (some call them rules) for the growing and maintaining of a playoff beard.

1. There is no prescribed time to begin growing the beard.  Personally, I will make sure I shave/trim my facial blanket before my team (New York Rangers) sets foot on playoff ice.  But you can feel free to shave a few days before or really any time up until puck drop.

Even goalies have to get in on the action. Even under that uncomfortable mask.

2. Commit!  The most important aspect of the playoff beard is the commitment of the individual to that beard.  Make sure you map out the facial hair pattern you will be going for before puck drop.  Because once that puck drops, well, there isn’t any going back.  You can’t trim.  You can’t shape.  Nothing.  Time to ride that decision out.  No cheating just because the cup finals run long and the summer heat arrives early.

Shaving the head, in contrast to growing your hair, really enhances the sheer length of the playoff beard.

3. A playoff beard is precisely that: a BEARD.  It isn’t a mullet, no matter what Patrick Kane thinks.  The key is to have some design of facial hair that shows your commitment to the winning effort of your team.

This is NOT a playoff beard. It’s a stupid, stupid mullet.

And that’s it.  It’s a simple showing of commitment and obsession for your favorite hockey team.  Don’t be afraid to pair the beard with a nice hat of your favorite team.  Most importantly, whenever someone comments on your beard you have to remember to tell them that it’s for your favorite hockey team.  Then explain what hockey is to them.  Then give up explaining hockey and avoid that person in your office forever.


5 thoughts on “Tips for Growing a Playoff Beard

  1. As the playoffs round into shape many of us must be forced to call our manhood (or lack of womanhood) into question. Sprouts that begin to develop on our faces will be allowed to grow unruly rather than trimmed in the spirit of American professionalism. As our Jewish friends ask every Pesach, “Why? Why is this night different from all others?” Because, my friends, it’s the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Because it’s the Cup!

    So in the spirit of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and in support of your heroes, the New York Rangers, we will be hosting the Lockout Shortened 2012-2013, Bonehead only, Semi-Annual, Paul Mara Playoff Beard Contest once again. All boneheads wishing to participate should email their “before” picture to the official contest email: Pictures will be posted on the official contest website:

    As usual, prizes will be glorious and well thought out. As contest chairman I can guarantee fairness, equality and a chance for boneheads of all genders, creeds and sympathies. I also promise to not just to willy-nilly award the prize to Sally (as usual).

    Beards are no longer just for Avatars.

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